His Last Secret
by Vol lady
Summary: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH I didn't want to write but it's inevitable. Jarrod's journey ends, on his terms.
1. Chapter 1

His Last Secret

Chapter 1

July 1881

Maggie knew things were getting worse. Jarrod couldn't play with J.J. very long on the floor anymore. He simply ran out of energy. At night, when he was asleep but she was awake, she could hear his ragged breathing. She recognized it. She knew what it meant.

He knew she knew.

They sat one evening on the porch swing, J.J. falling asleep in Jarrod's lap. "Hard to believe he's nine months old," Jarrod said. "Seems like yesterday he was born, doesn't it?"

"Yes," Maggie said. "And look how big he's getting."

"I think he'll probably turn out bigger than his Uncle Nick." Jarrod sighed a ragged sigh and kissed J.J. on the top of his head.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Maggie asked.

Jarrod had gone to see Dr. Merar that morning, but he said nothing at all about how the visit went. Maggie almost didn't want to ask, but he almost seemed to want the prodding.

"He's talked to Dr. Lumen once or twice about putting me on digitalis," Jarrod said. "We've talked about that a couple times over the last year or so."

"What do they think?"

"They think it might help me. It might prolong my life by a few months. But it has side effects."

"Does that bother you?"

"I told Dr. Merar I wouldn't take it."

That surprised Maggie. A chance to live longer, even if only a few months – she didn't think that Jarrod would turn that down. Suddenly she was almost ready to cry.

He said, "It has a certain side effect that they thought might prove to be a problem for me in particular, a side effect I just can't risk."

"What's that?"

Jarrod sighed, another noisy sigh. "A few years ago, I was up toward the town of Rockville on a case for the State land office. A dispute over land a family had been squatting on for years. Public land. I didn't really want to run them out, but I owed Ted Blair – the man who ran the land office – I owed him a big favor, so I went. Funny, when I look back on it, I should have known what was going to happen."

"What did happen?" Maggie asked.

"I got knocked off my horse in an accident – bad head injury. I wandered around out of my senses for almost an entire day, and when I finally came to – I had no memory at all of who I was, or why I was there. You can't run people off their land if you can't remember that's what you were there to do. The family I was sent to run off were the people who took me in, tried to give me a life, even gave me a name – Dakota. But I was completely, totally lost, for something like a week. Until Nick and Heath came."

"And they got you back."

"Actually, I didn't know who they were. I thought they were gunmen sent to run that family off, and by then that family was all I had in the world. I wasn't going to let these two strangers run them off."

"What happened?"

"I tried to kill them, Nick and Heath. I tried to kill my own brothers, and I'd have done it, too. The only reason I didn't was because Heath dropped his gun, and as I picked it up to kill him with it – I saw it, and I remembered it. I had given it to him for his birthday just before I left to go to Rockville. I was seconds away from shooting my own brother dead, seconds away, Maggie."

Maggie was quiet for a few moments, letting Jarrod collect himself. His last words had more tears than breathing noise in them. The memory was clearly upsetting him. Fighting her own tears, she finally asked, "What does this have to do with digitalis? Mark took it. I don't remember any side effect that would be pertinent."

"It can cause periodic total amnesia, Maggie, and the doctors are concerned I might be at a bigger risk than most for that, because of the head injury that gave me amnesia before. Maggie, I can't live with that risk, even if it means a few more months with you and J.J. Please, my darling, forgive me, I just can't live a few extra months with my memory going in and out of me. I might be dangerous, and I don't want to die not knowing who you and J.J. are."

Now the tears were flowing for both of them. Maggie put her arm around him and held him close. "I understand, Jarrod. I really do." She struggled to say what she had to say next. "And I think you've made the right decision."

He pulled away a little and looked at her. "It means I'll die sooner. It means I'll probably die within the next few months."

"I know," Maggie said and ran her hand through his black hair. "My love, I know what it means, but I understand why you won't take the digitalis. I wouldn't either, if I were in your position. I really wouldn't."

Jarrod let his head fall on her shoulder, until he gathered himself more together. "I might be in a wheelchair or bedridden in the next few weeks. I suppose we ought to think about getting a housekeeper back in."

Mrs. Reilly, their most recent housekeeper, had left a few weeks earlier because her daughter had a baby. "Not yet. We'll make do," Maggie said, wiping her tears, knowing how private Jarrod was in general about his illness. "I'll take care of you, however we have to do it."

"Oh, Maggie, I'm so sorry," Jarrod sighed. "I'd give anything not to have to put you through this."

"No, there's no need for you to think like that. I know what's going to happen. I've always known, remember? I'll be here for you. J.J. and I will be here."

Jarrod sighed wearily, and in a little while he sat up straight and kissed J.J. again. The baby had remained sound asleep through all of this. "There's one more thing," Jarrod said.

"What?" Maggie asked.

"I don't want my family to know about this. I don't want them to know that I passed up the digitalis, at least not while I'm still living."

"All right, but why?"

"Barkleys are fighters, and they'd never accept anything less. If they see this as me giving up – well, I don't want them to try to talk me out of it, and I don't want that to be their last memory of me."

Maggie thought he was making a mistake, but it was his to make. "All right," she said, taking hold of his shaking hand with her own shaking hand.

Jarrod kissed Maggie on her forehead and then kissed J.J. again. "If there were any other way for me to stay with you longer – "

"I know," Maggie said, her voice closing on the words. "I know."

XXXXXXX

When the man rode up to the herd, out of the blue, both Nick and Heath looked at him suspiciously. He was no wrangler. He didn't have the attitude for it. His attitude was pure anger, from his face down to his hands on the reins of his horse.

And he wore his sidearm low on his hip, tied down to his thigh.

And Heath knew him. "Butler," he said flatly.

Nick was surprised. He looked at Heath.

"Thomson," Butler said. "I been looking for you for quite a while."

"No reason to," Heath said. "We finished our business a long time ago."

"Not in my opinion," Butler said.

"Ride outta here," Heath said. "You're not gonna goad me into another gunfight or anything else, and you don't want to start firing that sidearm off around a herd of cattle."

"Don't plan to," Butler said. "Just wanted you to know I'd be waiting for you in town. And you can take your time. I'm not in any hurry."

Butler actually gave Nick a glare before he turned and rode away. It was a warning glare. It said, _stay out of this_.

"Friend of yours?" Nick asked.

"Once," Heath said.

"When?"

Heath shook his head. "I'd rather not talk about it, Nick," he said and rode away from his brother.

Nick stayed where he was and kept an eye on Butler riding in the opposite direction, toward Stockton. Gunfighters didn't often make the rounds anymore in this part of the country, but Nick remembered them well enough to know that that's who this Butler fellow was, a professional gunfighter. Maybe he was out of time and place, but here he was, and for some reason, he was after Heath.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Nick and Heath were talking about this man Butler all the way home that evening, even as they came into the front door. Willing to talk about it after he had thought about it more, Heath told Nick that they had known each other at the last place Heath worked before coming to the Barkleys, in Corning. They had been friends once, until Butler's dark, senseless anger came out over a saloon girl he manhandled. Heath had rescued her. Butler had goaded Heath into a gunfight. Heath had shot Butler's gun out of his hand.

And humiliated him.

"It was right after that I got word my mother was dying," Heath said as they came in the door. "I left even before Butler's arm healed."

"Was he a professional then?" Nick asked.

"Gunfighter? No," Heath said. "I don't know when he turned into that. Could be he did it because I humiliated him, I don't know. But he was a different man today than I remember."

"He wants to kill you, you know."

"Who wants to kill you?" Victoria had overheard them, and her eyes were like fire. No one threatened her family – no one.

"No one important, Mother," Heath said. "Somebody I knew before I came here is in town. He'll give up and take off before too long."

"You seem awfully sure of that," Victoria said, looking doubtful.

"I am," Heath said.

"What are you going to do? How are you going to avoid him?"

"I won't go into town for a while, at least not until Suzanne gets back," Heath said, hanging his hat and gunbelt up on the rack in the hallway.

Suzanne had gone to visit her cousin having a baby in Modesto. She wasn't expected to be back for a week or so, but Nick said, "What are you going to say to Suzanne when she gets back?"

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it."

"You're sure he won't come here after you? He came today."

"He won't come here to kill me. He wants to kill me in a fair fight, in public. I won't let him have the chance."

Nick exchanged doubtful looks with his mother. "Where's Nancy?" he asked quietly as Heath went into the living room.

"Napping," Victoria said. Then she held Nick by the sleeve before he could follow Heath and said, "Don't you go interfering on this, Nick. When you go to town, you give this man a wide berth."

Nick looked at Heath, who had his back to them, then back at his mother. He nodded, even though he didn't want to. Being married was making him more cautious, he admitted to himself. But as he walked with his mother into the living room, he said, "I could talk to Jarrod, see about maybe getting a restraining order."

"I doubt he could get one, Nick," Heath said. "Seems to me he'd have to have something more than somebody calling me out to get a restraining order."

"We could ask him."

"Go ahead. Ask him. Meantime, I'm not gonna lose any sleep over this."

Heath poured a whiskey and offered it to Nick. Nick took it.

Victoria just took a deep breath and sat down on the sofa. Something about this left her very uneasy.

"Wine, Mother?" Heath asked.

"No," Victoria said. "Scotch."

XXXXXXX

Jarrod heard the horse coming in while Maggie was busy in the nursery feeding J. J. He took a look out the window and saw his brother Nick dismounting. Jarrod opened the door and let him in.

"Morning, Nick," he said. "What brings you by?"

Nick looked around for Maggie. "Got a problem. Can we talk?"

"Sure," Jarrod said, and he motioned Nick to sit down at the kitchen table. "Coffee?"

"No, I'm not staying that long," Nick said and sat. "Heath had a visit from an old friend yesterday, one who doesn't like him anymore."

"At the ranch?" Jarrod asked, sitting down.

"Yeah. Man's name is Butler. He looks like a professional gunfighter."

"Around here? We haven't had a professional around here in a long time."

"Well, his grudge is personal. Seems he and Heath got into a tiff in Corning before Heath came here. Heath outdrew him and shot his gun out of his hand. Heath thinks he's humiliated and came looking for him to get his pride back."

"He's been looking for Heath for five years? That's quite a grudge."

"Yeah, it is. I was wondering if we might get a restraining order or something, maybe give Fred Madden a reason to run him out of town."

Jarrod shook his head. "If all Butler's done is call Heath out, if he hasn't tried to hurt him or anything – not likely I can get a restraining order. And not likely he'd go very far if Fred ran him out of town, from the sounds of it."

"Well, Heath thinks he can wait him out, but I don't know. I didn't like the looks of the guy."

"I can go to town, see if he's there. Maybe get something more out of him to hang a restraining order on, but I don't know if it's gonna do the trick or not."

Nick got up. "Well, go talk the man, would you? Maybe you can get some ideas once you hear him out. He's out to kill Heath for sure, and I'd bet Heath couldn't outdraw him now. He looks like he's been practicing."

Jarrod stood up as well. "I'll ride in. Come on back at the end of the day, and I'll let you know what happened."

"Thanks, Jarrod," Nick said and headed out the door.

As Jarrod closed the door, Maggie came in from the nursery. "J.J.'s playing in that crib your brother made for him. I heard Nick. So, you're going into town?"

Jarrod nodded. "I think I'd better go have a talk with this Butler guy, if nothing else."

Jarrod headed for the gun cabinet and took his gunbelt out of it. As he strapped it on, Maggie said, "You will be careful, won't you?"

Jarrod turned and kissed her with a smile. "Of course I will. Don't worry. I don't get goaded into gunfights."

Maggie still looked concerned.

Jarrod kissed her again. "Please don't worry."

"All right," Maggie gave in. "Shall I expect you for lunch?"

"Well, if I can get something out of this guy that gives me reason to try for a restraining order, I'll do that, and that might take me beyond lunch. But if I'm not home when Nick gets here later, send him to town with some bail money." He smiled.

Which made Maggie give in and smile. "Giving Nick the chance to bail you out would make his day."

"Wouldn't it, though?" Jarrod said and headed for the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jarrod rode into town, thinking he'd check the saloons first. This guy Butler sounded like the type to wait Heath out there, and Jarrod knew he could never go to a judge with a motion for a restraining order without getting something more threatening out of Butler. It was quiet in town this early, but there was one saloon that was open. Jarrod dismounted and hitched his horse to the rail, then went on in.

There was no one there except Harry, the bartender.

"Hello, Harry," Jarrod said, tipping his hat back and heading for the bar.

"Awfully early to see you here, Jarrod," Harry said.

"Well, I'm looking for somebody," Jarrod said – and then suddenly he had a coughing fit.

That wasn't unusual lately, but he hated it nevertheless.

Harry had no idea about Jarrod's health issues, but he knew he didn't like the sound of that cough. "Catching a bad cold?"

"Something like that," Jarrod was saying as Harry handed him a glass of water. Jarrod took a sip. "Looking for some fella named Butler, professional gunman type. Seen him in here?"

"He was in here yesterday, not yet today."

"Did you catch a first name?"

"Dave, I think."

"Is he staying at the hotel?"

"I guess, unless he's left town. He's a mean type, Jarrod. I hope you don't plan to be doing any business with him."

"Not really, just want to talk to him. I'm gonna go talk to the sheriff. If Butler comes in, can you keep him here? I'll be back in a while."

"I'll do my best."

"Thanks," Jarrod said and went out the door.

He walked to the sheriff's office and found his old friend in there. "Well, good morning, Counselor," the sheriff said. "What brings you my way?"

"Morning, Fred," Jarrod said. "I'm in town looking for a fella named Dave Butler. Nick came to me this morning, said the man seems to be after Heath. Do you know anything about it?"

"No," Sheriff Madden said, "although I have seen this Butler fella. Mean looking character, but he hasn't caused any real trouble."

"You got no reason to run him out of town."

"Not yet."

"Nick wanted me to try to get a restraining order, but it doesn't look like I have any grounds so far."

Jarrod began coughing again, and this time it brought on an angina attack. He sank into a chair and reached for his handy little devil pills.

In all this time, Sheriff Madden had never been alone with Jarrod when an angina attack took him, and the sheriff was scared by it. "Jarrod, you all right? You need the doctor?"

Jarrod shook his head, putting a pill in his mouth and putting the bottle back in his pocket. "This lousy heart of mine," he said, mumbling the words so as not to dislodge the pill from under his tongue. "It'll pass."

"You need water?"

Jarrod shook his head, and in a couple of minutes, the pain began to wear off. "Sorry about that, Fred," he said after a while. "Looks worse than it is."

"It looks lousy," Sheriff Madden said.

Jarrod chuckled. "Yeah, it is lousy."

"Maybe you ought to stop by Doc Merar's."

"No need. The pill takes care of it. It's passing."

In a moment, much to Sheriff Madden's surprise, Jarrod got up, looking almost as good as new.

"I'm going back over to the saloon, see if this Butler fella is there," Jarrod said. "Depending on how he treats me, I might try to get that restraining order. Will you run him out of town if I can get it?"

"I'll try, but he won't have to go if the restraining order just says to keep a hundred feet away or something like that. You know that. What I can do is check my wanted posters, ask around. Where did Heath run into this guy before?"

"Corning, I think Nick said. That's where Heath was working before he came here."

"I'll check it out. Bring me some more information when you can."

Jarrod nodded and headed for the door. "Maybe I'll see you later, Fred. If I don't – well, keep your eye on this Butler guy anyway, will you? I need help looking out for my little brother."

Sheriff Madden nodded. But he didn't like anything about this – not Jarrod's angina attack, not the threat against Heath, not any of it.

XXXXXXX

Jarrod went back to the saloon, and this time, as soon as he came in the door, Harry nodded toward a table at the back. There was only one customer there, a mean-looking man. Butler, per Harry. He was sitting at the table, nursing a cup of coffee.

Jarrod wandered over to him, trying not to look threatening. "Are you Dave Butler?"

The man looked up at him. "Who's asking?"

Jarrod pulled out a chair and sat down. "My name is Jarrod Barkley. I believe you know my brother, Heath."

"Knew him when he was Thomson," Butler said.

"Well, he's Barkley now. I understand you have a beef with him."

"With him," Butler said. "Not you."

"Well, you have a beef with one of us, you have it with all of us," Jarrod said, still trying to sound friendly. "I just want to give you some advice. Forget your beef. Ride out of here and go live your life elsewhere."

"Or?" Butler asked.

"Like I said, you have beef with one of us, you have it with all of us. Anything happens to Heath, it happens to us all, and we won't be forgetting it, or coming back at you one at a time."

Butler's eyes grew darker. Jarrod's hardened.

Butler said, "Guess we'll have a big powwow at some point then, because I am not riding out of here, not before I settle with Heath."

"I'm a lawyer. I can get the law to escort you out."

Butler looked like he was either going to laugh or explode, but instead he just leaned forward. "Try it, Mr. Lawyer, and then I WILL have a beef with you, too."

Jarrod didn't flinch. Instead, he smiled. "We'll just have to see how that plays out, won't we?"

Jarrod got up and made his way back outside, being careful not to turn his back completely on the man. But Butler made no move against him. Knowing there was no way he'd get a restraining order, Jarrod gave up on the idea, mounted his horse, and rode back out of town.

XXXXXXX

Instead of going home, Jarrod headed for where he knew Nick and Heath were tending the herd. It took him a minute to spot the two of them, but they were together, talking. They saw him coming up and turned their attention from the herd to him.

"That was fast," Nick said.

"Not very fruitful," Jarrod said. "Fred couldn't do anything without a restraining order – not even with one, really – and I couldn't get any movement out of Butler that would give me grounds for one."

"You saw Butler?" Heath asked.

Jarrod nodded. "Had to. I think we're going to have to come up with some other approach to get Butler out of our hair."

"MY hair," Heath said.

"OUR hair, Heath," Jarrod said.

Heath sighed. "Well, just what do you have in mind?"

"What do YOU have in mind?" Jarrod asked. "Going in and shooting it out with him?"

"If I can't wait him out, maybe so," Heath said.

"And what about Suzanne?" Nick asked. "You gonna leave her a widow already?"

"I don't plan on leaving her a widow, but it looks like it ain't all up to me," Heath said, louder.

Nick and Jarrod exchanged looks.

Heath said, "Look, Butler is my problem. I don't want to risk either of you getting hurt over me."

"If the three of us go see him together," Nick started.

"You can't babysit me all the time," Heath said.

"Heath, just give me a little time to think on this," Jarrod said. "Fred Madden's going to check him out – where did you know him, Corning?"

"Corning," Heath said, nodding. "I'm not planning to go into town until Suzanne gets back, and that won't be for a week or so."

Jarrod nodded, turned his horse, and rode away.

Nick eyed him as he did. He wished he knew what was going on in that Jarrod Barkley mind, but he didn't say that out loud. He just wondered what he could do about any of this himself.

Heath read his mind. "Don't go doing anything stupid, Nick. Nancy doesn't need to be a widow already either."

"I'm not," Nick said. "Just worrying, that's all."

"Well, don't," Heath said. "Let's just get back to work."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jarrod laughed out loud as he crouched on the floor and J.J. crawled all over him, giggling for all he was worth. Maggie watched them both, thinking that J.J. was already beginning to look like a miniature Jarrod – same dark hair, same blue eyes. Jarrod rolled onto his back and grabbed his son into an inescapable bear hug that ended up with J.J. holding his father around the neck and panting with the effort of all that laughing.

Jarrod sat up with him, resting his back against the sofa, panting as much as J.J. was and coughing a bit. "All right, little man, time to calm down and start getting ready for bed."

"No," J.J. said. It had been his first real word, and he knew what it meant and enjoyed using it.

In fact, except for "da" and "ma," so far it was about the only word he used.

Maggie reached down for him and lifted him out of his father's arms. "Pappy's right. Time to start calming down."

"Pappy," Jarrod said. Nick had tried to drum that into J.J., but instead it had gotten drummed into Maggie.

"Sorry," Maggie laughed. "I can't seem to help it. It just suits you so well."

Jarrod waved her off with a laugh and said, "Good night, J.J. I love you."

J.J. squirmed and fought going to bed, but only a little bit. It was late for him, and he was tired.

As Maggie took J.J. into the nursery, Jarrod pulled himself up into the sofa, leaning back against one arm and raising his feet over the opposite arm. He still had boots on, but his feet were hurting – swelling, bothering him, even though he had bought bigger boots. It happened more often these days. He finally gave in and pulled his boots off before lifting his feet up again.

Jarrod picked up a book from the coffee table and picked up reading where he had left off. Mark Twain – _Innocents Abroad._ Light reading before bed was always a good idea.

Before he knew it, Maggie was returning, saying, "Well, he went down fast tonight."

Jarrod put the book back down on the coffee table. "His Pappy will be going down fast, too," he said, but reached up for his wife as he sat up straight.

Maggie sat beside him, resting in his arms. For a while, they just sat there like that. Jarrod enjoyed the scent of his wife – Maggie enjoyed the warmth of his arms around her.

Out of the blue, Jarrod said, "What would you think if we made another one?"

"Another baby?" she said.

"Yes," Jarrod said. "What would you think?"

Maggie put it back on him. "What would you think?"

What they both left unspoken but what ran as an undercurrent was the certainty that if Maggie became pregnant, Jarrod would not see this baby born. He had virtually no chance of surviving for another nine months. They both knew it.

But Jarrod said, "If it would make you happy, I'd leave another child with you. Tonight, the Good Lord willing."

"You feel up to it?" Maggie asked. Exertion had led to difficulty breathing for him lately.

"Mmmmmm," Jarrod said, nuzzling into her bosom. "I feel very much up to it, my love."

Maggie laughed. "All right. Let's see what happens."

XXXXXXXX

Day 7 of Heath's self-imposed exile from Stockton came along. Nick had to go into town for supplies, and Butler was still there. As he was finishing loading up his purchases, Nick saw Butler go into the saloon. He was sorely tempted to go in there and threaten the man in his best Nick Barkley style.

"Don't do it, Nick," Sheriff Madden said.

Nick hadn't seen him come up beside him, but the sheriff had obviously read his intent from how he was staring at the saloon.

"I checked the man out down in Corning," the sheriff said. "He's built an ugly reputation, and he's very fast and very accurate with that gun. Goaded two men into fights and killed them both."

"He got away with that?"

"They drew first. In some ways, we haven't gotten very civilized in California."

"Gotta do something," Nick said, more worried now than ever. "Can't let this go on much longer or Heath will be coming in here without any of us knowing about it. And I can't let that happen."

"I'll lean on Butler again. If I do it enough, he might get the message."

"I don't think anything short of a bullet in the head is gonna give him the message."

"Nick, you watch yourself, and I mean it."

Nick finally looked around at the sheriff. "I'm not going to do anything, but if Heath comes here and anything happens to him, all bets are off."

Sheriff Madden stepped a bit closer. He was the biggest man in town and practically the only one who could tower over Nick. "Listen, Nick, you're a married man now, you can't go running off crazy like you do. And maybe more important – you three have been the ones with your mother since Eugene went back east. You're already gonna lose Jarrod. If you and Heath don't play your cards right, your mother is going to be left having no sons with her at all."

That made a difference to Nick. "You lean on Butler," he said. "I'll lean on Heath. One way or another, we gotta get this situation resolved without Heath getting hurt."

"Uh-oh," Sheriff Madden suddenly said, looking overtop Nick to something in the street.

Nick turned, alarmed, afraid it was Heath the sheriff was seeing.

But it was Jarrod. He rode up to them and dismounted. "Good to see you, Counselor," Nick said, and before Jarrod could reply, Nick said to the sheriff, "I got an idea, Fred. You, me and Jarrod go lean on Butler."

"Mother told me you were here, Nick," Jarrod said. "I thought maybe I could keep you from doing something stupid."

Nick glared at him. "Fred's checked this guy out, Jarrod. He's fast, and he's killed two men since Heath saw him in Corning. If he runs into Heath, he could kill him."

"Well, the three of us together doesn't sound too stupid," Jarrod admitted.

Sheriff Madden looked at them both looking at him. "All right, but I do the talking, and there's no trouble."

Nick and Jarrod both nodded.

Jarrod hitched his horse to Nick's wagon, and the three of them walked over to the saloon and in.

Butler was at the bar, drinking a beer. He looked up at them coming in, but then completely ignored them. The sheriff walked up to him, while Nick and Jarrod took spots at the other side of the bar and behind him respectively. Nick and Jarrod just stared at him.

Sheriff Madden said, "Don't you think this has gone just about far enough, Butler?"

Butler swallowed a sip of beer before saying, "What's gone far enough. Sheriff?"

"Cut the bull," Sheriff Madden said. "I don't want trouble in my town, and every day you're here it gets closer. It's time for you to move along."

"Or?" Butler said. "Is the lawyer man gonna get a restraining order?"

"I am not gonna let you goad Heath Barkley or anybody else into a gunfight," Sheriff Madden said. "Those days are long gone around here. Even try anything like that, and I'll have you in jail so fast your head will spin."

"All right, Sheriff," Butler said slowly. "I hear you. But I'm not inclined to go anywhere just yet, and I haven't done anything for you to arrest me on. So, I'll just finish my beer and have another one."

Jarrod put a hand up in front of his brother to keep Nick from going for Butler's throat. Nick would have done it, too. Sheriff Madden motioned them both out with his eyes, and they left.

"If you do so much as spit on the sidewalk, you are mine, Butler," Sheriff Madden told him. "I'll be watching."

Butler said nothing. Sheriff Madden turned and walked out.

Jarrod had gotten Nick back across the street to his wagon. When Sheriff Madden joined them, he looked about as mad as Nick did. The sheriff said, "I'll have his butt in my jail before push comes to shove, I promise you."

"I don't think he'll give you cause for that but believe me, if you do, I won't be defending him," Jarrod said. "Come on, Nick. Let's go home."

Nick gave one last hard glare in the direction of the saloon as Jarrod climbed into the wagon. Nick climbed in beside him and they rode home together with Jarrod's horse trotting along behind.

Sheriff Madden watched them go and worried even more about where this whole thing was headed. When he had warned Nick about Victoria ending up with no sons here with her after this, he had been serious. It plagued him constantly these days. Tragedy just seemed to be hovering over that family, waiting to tear down on them like a hawk after prey. And the sheriff felt more and more powerless to stop it.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Nick and Jarrod were not very talkative as they rode toward Jarrod's place. Jarrod had a couple of coughing fits – the dust in the road seemed to be getting to him, or at least Nick hoped it was the dust. Nick was still unsettled about what the sheriff had said, that if this wasn't played right, it wasn't only Jarrod that Victoria was going to lose.

The sheriff was right. Nick had never felt so worried that such a thing could happen, not even when the three of them carried the nitroglycerin to the forest fire a few years ago. Maybe it was because he was married now. Maybe because it was certain that they would lose Jarrod this time. Or maybe because Nick was certain that Heath would not leave this alone forever.

"You're awful quiet," Jarrod finally said. Normally, Nick would chatter away on a trip like this, but not now.

Nick tried to figure out a way to tell Jarrod what was bothering him without referring to his older brother's situation. "Just worried about Heath," Nick ended up saying. "This Butler isn't leaving. I know I gotta stay out of this, but if anything happened to Heath – "

"Yeah, I know," Jarrod said. Then he took a breath as deep as he could muster these days. "You gotta keep your head about you, Nick. You have a wife. And if anything were to happen to Heath, you'd be the only Barkley son left here in a little bit. Eugene won't be moving back here. I know restraint is not your middle name, but this time, you have to keep yourself under control, for Mother's sake. Or she might be left without any of us."

"You been talking to Fred, haven't you?"

"Why? Did he say the same thing?"

"Yeah. He did. He's worried."

Jarrod sighed. "He's not the only one. Keep it together, Nick, no matter what happens, all right? There's not much you can do for me anymore, but do this, all right?"

Nick looked at his brother, at the calm certainty in Jarrod's eyes that Nick had to avoid doing something stupid about Butler. The stakes were too high. Nick said, "I'll keep it together, no matter what. I'm not forgetting about Mother, and I'm not forgetting about Nancy either. But we gotta do something to keep Butler away from Heath, because that boy ain't gonna hold back much longer, and we can't dog him every minute."

"I know," Jarrod said.

Nick sensed something from Jarrod. "I hear that Jarrod Barkley mind churning around. You got an idea?"

"Gotta check in with my wife, but maybe – maybe I'll go back in and have a sit down with the judge. Maybe between the two of us we can come up with something to defuse this bomb."

"You want me to go with you?"

"No," Jarrod said quickly. "You need to stay out of town. I mean that."

"All right. But you let me know how you get on with the judge, okay?"

Jarrod nodded.

Nick could tell Jarrod's mind was still churning. He hoped legal arguments were stirring behind those narrowed blue eyes and not something else.

XXXXXXX

Nick dropped Jarrod and his horse off at The Grove. Jarrod gave him one more warning about staying out of town before he tethered Jingo to the hitching rail and went inside.

Maggie was in the nursery, rocking J.J., trying to get him down for a nap, but as soon as Jarrod closed the front door, J.J. shot awake like a guard dog. Jarrod went into the nursery, and J. J. was immediately squirming and reaching for him. Smiling, Jarrod reached down and lifted the boy into his arms.

"Aw, J.J., you are getting almost too big for me to lift!" Jarrod said.

J.J. jabbered a few unintelligible words and then rested his tired head against Jarrod's shoulder.

Maggie got up from the rocking chair. "Another two minutes, and he'd have been asleep."

"Allow me," Jarrod said and sat down in the rocking chair with his son.

Maggie smiled to see them there together, Jarrod holding J.J. and rocking softly, J.J. drifting off again right away. Jarrod smiled up at her.

They were both thinking the same thing – this was everything they had ever wanted, right here, right now. As content and as rich as life could ever be.

"Would you like something to eat?" Maggie asked quietly.

Jarrod nodded. "Just a sandwich. I need to go back into town."

"You just got back."

"I'll tell you about it after J.J. falls asleep – which is happening pretty fast."

Maggie smiled and went into the kitchen to get food and coffee together.

Jarrod rocked a little more and looked at the beautiful face of his son resting against him. The boy was relaxing now, gently going limp, his thumb unconsciously heading for his mouth. Jarrod was so happy in this moment he thought he could have cried. Life was so wonderful these days. What had he ever done to deserve such joy?

But it was slipping away so fast.

Jarrod kissed J.J. on the forehead. "You're gonna grow to have as happy a life as I've had, little man. I don't know if you'll remember me or not, but I'll always be with you, I promise. Right there inside you." He gently touched J.J.'s chest with one finger and kissed him again, before getting up from the rocker and putting him into his crib.

Jarrod gave one long last look at his son, smiling, before he went into the kitchen.

Maggie had a sandwich and coffee already on the table. "Why are you going back to town?" she asked, worried. "Did something happen?"

"No, thank goodness," Jarrod said as he sat down. "I'm going back to try to keep something from happening."

"You couldn't get that gunman to leave town."

"No, but Sheriff Madden and I did keep Nick from going off the deep end, and I think things are calm for now, but they're not going to stay that way. I'm going to go have a sit down with the judge and see if there's something we can do legally that I haven't thought of yet."

Maggie looked at the gunbelt Jarrod was still wearing. "And you're taking your gun to court?"

Jarrod took a bite of sandwich, looked idly at his gun, swallowed and said. "Just a precaution. The judge won't mind so long as court's not in session."

Maggie sat down at the table with him. "You know I love you, don't you?"

Jarrod looked at her. She was trying to read his mind again, and she was darned good at it, but this time he was going to keep her out. This time he needed to keep a secret from her. "I do, and I hope you know I love you more than anything in this world."

"You're not going to do anything foolish, are you?"

"No," Jarrod said, very sincerely, and reached across the table to take Maggie's hand. "I will not do anything foolish. I will only do something carefully thought out. But understand, my darling – I have to try to protect my brothers to the best of my ability. I will die before very long, and that can't be stopped. I have to be sure that my brothers don't die, too."

Maggie did understand that, but, "Why does that fall to you?"

Jarrod smiled. "Because I'm Pappy!"

Maggie chuckled, but it was to mask a terrible feeling she had inside that something was going to happen today, something bad. Maybe not to Jarrod – maybe not just to Jarrod – but something. And yet, she knew that Jarrod had to do whatever it was he thought he had to do to keep his brothers safe. It was his way. She couldn't want him to change now. "Just be careful," she said. "Be careful."

Jarrod took her hand again. "I will be as careful as I can be. I love you – you do know that, don't you?"

Maggie nodded. "It's been a wonderful love, don't you think?"

"The best love I could ever have hoped for, and it will never end, Maggie. Never."

They kissed, a long, loving kiss, and Jarrod finished his sandwich and coffee.

"You will be careful?" Maggie said one more time as Jarrod headed for the door again, just as soon as he was finished eating.

"I will be careful," Jarrod said and kissed Maggie at the door. "And I will always love you."

"Ditto," Maggie said, and let him go.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

When Nick got back to the ranch, he was a little surprised to see Heath riding in from the range, just ahead of him. Heath dismounted as Nick pulled the wagon into the yard and asked one of the hands there to see to unloading it.

"What brings you in?" Nick asked his younger brother.

"One of the guys brought me a telegram from town," Heath said. "Suzanne is coming in from Modesto today. I'm gonna go meet her at the train station."

Nick straightened as straight as he could get. "You're going into Stockton."

Heath nodded and calmly said, "I'm going into Stockton. Just wanted you to know. And I don't want you to follow me."

Nick took hold of Heath's arm before he could mount up again. "Look, that's a bad idea. I can meet Suzanne and bring her out here."

"Nick, you can't keep me from going into town forever."

"So you're gonna go now and risk a fight with Butler right in front of Suzanne."

"No, I'm gonna go now and let Butler make whatever move he wants, and by the time Suzanne's train gets in, it'll all be settled."

"Heath, Fred checked on him. He's killed two men since you saw him last. He can kill you."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But I told you right off that I'd stay out of Stockton while Suzanne was away. Now she's back. I gotta settle this whatever way I can."

Nick moved to take a swing at his younger brother, but Heath suspected it was coming and dodged it. He gave Nick a two-handed blast to the back of his head and knocked him flat long enough for Heath to remount.

"Sorry, Nick," he said as Nick was picking himself up.

As Heath took off, Nick ran into the barn to saddle his horse and go after him. He knew he didn't have a prayer of catching Heath before he got to Stockton, but maybe there would be time for him to divert the disaster that was coming.

For a moment, he forgot that Jarrod would be heading into town, too.

XXXXXXX

As he rode into town, Jarrod's head was swirling with thoughts and fears and hopes and memories that all seemed to twist by as if in a tornado. He thought of Maggie and J. J. and how happy he was just to see them in his mind's eye. He saw his son as a grown young man who would live his own life in a future Jarrod could only imagine, and he dreamed about how good it would be. He saw his wife in his arms, felt the softness of her skin against his, felt his lips on hers. He saw his mother and brothers and sister, and even his father and his first wife Beth, and they were all smiling to him.

He thought of how he'd lied to Maggie and Nick and regretted it for a moment, but only a moment. He remembered murdering Cass Hyatt, holding his head under the water in a trough until his brothers stopped him and saved the worthless monster. He remembered that he was sometimes two men – one a defender of the law, the other a cold-blooded murderer. It was a truth he'd learned to endure.

It was a truth that made him the only man who could do what he was about to do.

He saw himself walking into that saloon, and then suddenly there he really was, hitching his horse to the rail, and actually walking into the saloon. He saw the reality of the place – Harry behind the bar, a few men playing poker at a table off to the side, and Butler at the bar, nursing a beer. Was it the same beer as earlier? Jarrod laughed inside at the idle thought.

He knew with a calm resolve what he was going to do here. It was the only solution, the only way to ensure that both his brothers got the lives they deserved, that his mother retained at least these two men she loved so dearly. He loved so dearly. Greater love hath no man -

He realized – almost giddy – that these could very well be the last moments of his life.

Jarrod stood at the end of the bar and said, "Butler – "

Butler turned. Jarrod pulled his gun from its holster while Butler was turning. Butler saw it and drew as fast as he could.

XXXXXXX

Heath rode into Stockton knowing he was a full hour ahead of Suzanne's train, and knowing he would have to find Butler and settle what was between them, even if it meant shooting it out with the man. Even if it meant risking his life. But he did not intend to lose his life today. He intended for Butler to lose his.

But something was already happening at Harry's saloon. Men and even women were trying to get a look in the doors. Sheriff Madden was there, trying to get them to leave. Most of them did, but some stayed, still trying to get a look.

Heath suddenly had a terrible thought. He quickly hitched his horse and ran to the saloon doors.

Sheriff Madden grabbed him and stopped him before he could go in, before he could even get a look in the doors. "Don't go in there, Heath," the sheriff said.

"Why? What happened?" Heath asked, beginning to tremble.

"Butler's dead," the sheriff said.

"How? What's the rest of it?"

Sheriff Madden sighed. "Best I've been able to determine, Jarrod walked in about fifteen minutes ago, called him out and shot him dead."

"What?!" Heath tried to break away and get in there.

Sheriff Madden kept hold of him. "Heath, let me finish. Jarrod didn't give him much of a chance, but Butler got a shot off. He shot Jarrod right through the heart."

Heath's stomach plummeted. "Jarrod – "

The sheriff's voice closed. "Jarrod is dead, too, Heath. I'm sorry."

Crying now for his old friend dead in the saloon, the sheriff let Heath go, and Heath rushed through the crowd and inside.

And he saw.

XXXXXX

Nick was only a few minutes behind Heath, and he saw the same sight outside the saloon. The sheriff grabbed him as well and Nick tried to pull away, saying, "Heath? Heath?"

The sheriff just shook his head and said, "Jarrod."

Nick's face screwed up in confusion. "Jarrod?"

Nick pulled away and the sheriff let him go in.

What Nick saw was terrible, worse than he could have imagined. The doctor was there, standing beside Butler. Butler lay on the floor on his back, still and bloody from a bullet wound to his gut, his gun in his hand, his eyes wide open.

Heath sat on his heels about six feet away, his head down. Jarrod was in his arms, unmoving, blood on the front of him. Nick just stood there, not knowing what to do, not understanding what was going on.

Dr. Merar came over to him. "Nick, I'm so sorry," he said quickly.

"What happened?" Nick mumbled.

"Apparently Jarrod called Butler out and managed to kill him as he got a shot off. Butler hit Jarrod straight in the chest. Jarrod was killed instantly, Nick. Heath came in a few minutes ago. He's been like that ever since."

Nick left Dr. Merar and got down on his knees beside his brothers. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He just put his hand on Heath's shoulder and sucked his breath in, trying to keep from crying out loud.

Nick saw Heath cradling Jarrod protectively, but for no reason. There was no one to protect. Jarrod was still and as white as a sheet. Nick saw the tears on Heath's face. He saw Jarrod's face.

Jarrod was smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Victoria sent someone to The Grove as soon as Ciego told her that Heath had gone to town and Nick had gone after him. She thought she was sending for her level-headed oldest son, but after an hour or so, it was Maggie and J.J. Ciego brought back. Jarrod was not with them, and Maggie looked stunned, even distraught.

"Jarrod went to town nearly two hours ago," Maggie said. "He was going to talk to the judge."

Nancy came in from the kitchen in time to hear Maggie say where Jarrod was. She saw something like terror in her sister-in-law's eyes, and now it was in her mother-in-law's, too. Nancy quickly put one arm around each woman, wordless support, and steered them toward the living room.

Audra came, carrying Victoria Marie. Victoria had sent for her when she sent Ciego to The Grove, but she thought Carl would be with her. He wasn't.

"I sent Carl to town after the boys," Audra said as she handed the baby to Victoria.

Victoria had an urgent need to just keep that baby in her arms, but she knew the little one needed to be put down to rest, preferably somewhere out of J.J.'s reach. Audra was already seeing to that, clearing a place on the desk in the corner and moving the chair away. She took pillows from a few of the chairs and made a nest of sorts, then took Victoria Marie from her grandmother and laid her down there, staying there for now to keep a close eye on the sleeping baby.

Then Victoria and Maggie sat down on the settee, and Nancy sat down in one of the armchairs. They all waited and tried not to think.

They let J.J. crawl around the floor. He could walk several steps on his own now, but he still preferred to crawl. He picked himself up by the settee and tottered around a bit before falling on his butt and beginning to crawl again. J.J. was off in his own happy world where all that mattered was going, always keep going.

Horses rode up. No one came in for nearly a minute, but then Nick came in the door. He left his hat in the foyer. The women stood up, looking at him with questions in their eyes. Nick looked blankly back.

"Heath – " Victoria said.

Nick shook his head. Heath came in the door behind him, his head down, blood on his shirt and his pants.

"Jarrod," Nick said.

Maggie fell back down to the settee, but Victoria took a sharp breath and stood still. Audra looked confused, wondering whether to go to Maggie or her mother or just stay with the baby. Satisfied the baby was all right, she ended up sitting down beside Maggie.

Nancy ached to go to her husband, but she knew, for now, Nick had to stand on his own and say what he had to say. She knew he would need her once he'd said it.

"What happened?" Victoria asked, her voice leaving her.

Nick tried to be quick about it. "Jarrod went into the saloon, called Butler out and shot him dead, but Butler got a shot off and hit Jarrod. Jarrod was killed instantly. The bullet went through his heart. Carl stayed in town to look after him."

Victoria gasped out a terribly cry and closed her eyes. Nick went to her and held her before she could fall.

Heath had stopped in the foyer. He couldn't look at anyone. He just wandered up to his room to change his blood-stained clothes.

He was lost. Nothing seemed real, not Butler, not Jarrod, not anyone around him. He couldn't even find his own room at first, but he finally made his way there and closed the door behind him.

 _Change clothes_ , was the only thought that was clear in his mind. He took off his boots and then his pants and shirt. There were blotches of blood on his clothes. Jarrod's blood.

He threw the shirt and pants into a heap on the floor. He washed his hands in the basin on his dresser and put fresh clothes on. He sat down heavily on his bed and put his boots back on. Then he just sat there.

The only things he could see clearly were his blood-stained clothes on the floor. Jarrod's blood. His brother's blood.

His brother had died to save him. His brother had handed him a cigar at Sample's farm when he was trembling too much to roll his own cigarette. His brother had died to save him.

Heath had no idea how long he'd been sitting there when a soft knock came on the door and Nick came in. Nick didn't come close at first. He could tell by the confused look in Heath's eyes that his brother hadn't yet gotten a grip on what had happened to him, to Jarrod.

"Heath – " Nick tried.

Heath didn't look up or respond.

Nick came closer. "Heath, you need to come downstairs. We've been talking together. Maggie's told us some things we didn't know. You need to hear them."

Heath looked up. "Maggie. She has to detest me."

Nick quickly shook his head. "No, no, it's nothing like that. She needs to talk to you. She needs you to hear what she has to say."

Heath looked down at his bloodstained clothes again and just sat there.

Nick finally just said, "Dammit, Heath! You gotta come down! You gotta hear this! It means everything to all of us, now come on downstairs!"

Heath looked up again, then he slowly got up.

Nick didn't take him by the arm or lead him, but he just let Heath go ahead of him and followed him slowly down the stairs.

Heath saw the women stand up when he came in, stand up and stare at him. He saw the baby asleep on the desk, the little girl Jarrod had helped bring to his sister and her husband. He saw J. J. playing on the floor – his brother's son. Heath began to tremble, as much as he had at Sample's farm all those years ago, but now there was no Jarrod to hand him a cigar.

Hands caressed his back and he looked over his shoulder. Suzanne. She was here. So was her uncle – he heard what happened and picked her up at the train station. For now, he backed away, knowing that there was nothing he could do to ease the pain his niece or anyone else was feeling.

Suzanne was in tears. Heath fell apart. He took Suzanne into his arms and they held each other as he cried out loud. Nick put an arm around Nancy, and she drew close to him. Tears were finally beginning to flow everywhere.

J.J. saw what was happening and sat up where he was on the floor. He looked at everyone, perplexed, and then he too began to wail. The baby heard it, too and also began to cry. Audra quickly went to the desk and picked her daughter up, soothing her as if she could sooth herself.

Maggie went to J.J. and picked him up. She sat down on the settee, Victoria sitting beside her. Maggie held J.J. close and rocked him and he began to settle down. After a few minutes, everyone began to settle down.

"Heath," Maggie said.

He couldn't look at her.

"Heath, please, sit down and listen to me," Maggie said. "There are things you need to know."

Suzanne guided Heath over to the chair by the fireplace that faced Maggie and Victoria, Jarrod's old thinking chair. Heath sat down. He still couldn't bring himself to look at Maggie.

"Heath," Maggie said, putting a squirming J.J. back on the floor, "There's something you need to know about your brother, about Jarrod. He didn't want any of you to know, but his time – his time was just about up, Heath."

Heath finally looked up at her, confused.

"The only medicine that would have kept him alive much longer was digitalis, but it had a side effect his doctors didn't like. Jarrod told me about the time he was injured and lost his memory. Digitalis can take your memory away, all of it, and the doctors thought Jarrod would have a higher risk for that. Jarrod decided he didn't want to live the extra few months digitalis might have given him if it meant not knowing who we were. Heath, please understand and believe me on this. Jarrod had only weeks before he'd be bedridden, and only weeks after that before he'd be gone. Heath, I know why he did what he did today. He didn't want to lie helpless in bed for weeks and then die. If he was to die, he wanted his death to count for something. He didn't want to die for nothing. He wanted to give you your life."

Heath remembered how torn apart Jarrod had been when he regained his memory after being stricken with amnesia a few years earlier. He understood why Jarrod would not want to go through that again. But –

Heath fell apart again. Jarrod wanted his death to count. Jarrod wanted Heath to have his life. But –

"It shouldn't have happened that way," Heath said quietly. "Jarrod shouldn't have - . He shouldn't have."

Nick thought hard before he said, "If I'd been there, I'd have tried to stop him. But I think Jarrod thought he had to do it, and he knew he was the only one of us who could do it. I think he knew it was the only way to be sure you'd be all right, Heath, and for all of us to be all right, you had to be all right. Butler was a mean, murderous son of a - . If Butler had to die for us to be all right, Jarrod thought he had to be the one to kill him."

Heath remembered pulling Jarrod off Cass Hyatt and saving that man's worthless hide – saving Jarrod from committing murder years earlier. Heath knew Jarrod would have committed murder today. He leaned forward with his face in his hands.

Nick said, "Jarrod and I talked this morning. He and the sheriff and I had tried to talk Butler into leaving town, and he wouldn't do it. Jarrod was afraid Butler would kill you, and that – knowing me, I'd do something stupid if he did. Jarrod was afraid there would be none of us left after he was gone, Heath, or there would only be me."

Heath shook his head. "He shouldn't have - we should have faced him down together. You, me, Jarrod – we could have taken him together."

"Jarrod didn't want to take the risk, I guess," Nick said. "Butler might not have gone for it, or he might have killed you before we could kill him. You know Jarrod. He analyzed things and weighed risks and then he made his move. Plenty of times we didn't agree with what he did, but it was his way."

Nick and Heath looked at each other. Heath looked away. He knew what they weren't saying, about the way Jarrod had called Butler out, leaving him little time to draw. Heath closed his eyes and hung his head.

Nick closed his eyes. He had said everything he was going to say about it. He couldn't say any more, ever again.

"Heath, do you understand?" Victoria finally spoke. "As much as this hurts – and dear God, it hurts more than anything I've ever known – " Her voice caught. The words wouldn't come out without sobs. "Oh – Jarrod – " was all anyone heard.

Maggie took hold of her mother-in-law and held her while she shook. Maggie looked up toward Heath, but his head was down again. Everyone's head was down.

Victoria sat up straight again. Maggie kept hold of her hand and squeezed it so she could go on. "Doing what he did today, Jarrod was saving everyone around him. He was saving you and Nick, and he was saving Nancy and Suzanne from losing you. And he was also saving me. He was saving me from having to live out my years with no sons beside me at all. He weighed all that against killing Butler, and he decided that it was worth it to try to kill that man himself."

Heath let it all sink in. He felt little consolation, but he said softly, "He smiled when he died. I guess he'd made up his mind and he was settled with what he was doing."

Both Victoria and Maggie dissolved into silent tears and held each other. They hadn't known that until now. They didn't know that Jarrod died smiling until now.

J.J. had crawled toward Heath several minutes earlier. When Heath finally sat up and pulled himself together, J.J. was at his feet. The little replica of his father reached up for his Uncle Heath. Heath picked him up and held him tight.

"I'm sorry," Heath whispered into the little boy's ear. "I'm sorry."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Christmas 1881

For days, Heath was inconsolable. Suzanne could only hold him and cry with him. Victoria took every chance she could to touch him, hold him, kiss his cheek and rub his back. Only to Nick did Heath say, "If I'd taken care of this sooner - " and "If I hadn't come here - ." Nick was quick to remind him that whether he'd taken care of Butler sooner or not, or whether he'd ever come here or not, Jarrod would still be gone. Nick reminded him that they needed him - Heath - now more than ever.

After a while, that seemed to sink in. After a while, Heath began to give them his lopsided smile again. But deep in his heart, his grief would always be different than everyone else's. Everybody knew that.

Nick did his best to comfort his mother, his sister and his sister-in-law. He could see they were all trying to comfort Heath as a way of comforting themselves, and he was probably doing that too, he admitted. He understood a little how Jarrod had managed to guide the family through their pain when Tom Barkley died, since now he was taking that part. He understood how helping the people you love is a way of helping yourself.

Maggie did what she could to console Heath, too, and everyone else for that matter, even though her heart was even more broken than anyone's. For her, weeks went by in a fog. If you asked her, she might have remembered that when they lowered her husband into the ground beside his father and first wife and everyone tossed dirt onto the casket, J.J. made a grab for his own fistful of dirt. Maggie let J.J. have some dirt and he hurled it onto the casket, but then he laughed. At the time, Maggie gave a small laugh, too, just because it was hard to ever look at J.J.'s smile and not laugh. She didn't notice that her in-laws smiled a bit, too. The moment alleviated some of the grief.

When the funeral was over and done, they all returned to the mansion. There was plenty of food and drink and there were plenty of visitors, and everyone began to tell stories on the oldest Barkley son. Remember the time he tried to break the horse and broke his leg instead? Remember all the times he had to bail Nick or Heath out of jail? Remember the case where his client paid him off in chickens and a pig, or the time the Basque man he thought was an enemy brought him some Basque wine to make peace?

Tears flowed and then turned into laughter, over and over again. J.J. played on the floor and now and then begged to be lifted up where he could see his baby cousin in her crib.

Over time, life began to return to normal. When there were children around, that was inevitable.

It wasn't until autumn came that life really began to lighten up again. It was then that Maggie decided that she and J.J. would move back into the mansion, if Heath and Suzanne moved into The Grove. The baby Jarrod had hoped to leave with Maggie never came to be, and Maggie was not going to need the room. And it just seemed to be natural that the newly married couple had a home of their own. Heath and Suzanne talked about it very carefully – could he live in his brother's house? Could she live in a home that was built for another woman? It was no snap decision, but in the end they decided they would move in there, and add onto it to make it more their own. The bottom line was they did want their own place, and they wanted Maggie to have company and help raising J.J.

Maggie was grateful for Victoria's company, and Victoria was beyond grateful to have her and that little replica of Jarrod living with her. It relieved so much of the grief, just to watch J.J. play and laugh and be a little boy. Maggie loved watching Victoria's eyes when she looked at J.J. and when Nick played with him on the floor. Time began to do its healing.

Christmas Eve was a bit rainy and cold. In the Barkley mansion they lit a fire and set out the holiday candles (safely out of J.J.'s reach), and the living room was as warm and cozy as ever. Adding to the warmth - in a couple months, Nick and Nancy would be welcoming the next member of the Barkley clan, and Heath and Suzanne were hoping for a new addition sometime later in 1882.

Carl handed out the ornaments for the tree, and Nick and Heath hung them while Maggie kept an eye on J.J. Toddling for real now, he kept going for the shiny ornaments and Maggie kept having to grab him before he snatched one. Victoria, Nancy and Suzanne strung popcorn for the tree together while Audra kept an eye on her daughter sleeping nearby in the crib that her Uncle Nick had made for her. She also kept the mugs filled with wassail and played backup for Maggie when J.J. got away. There was laughter everywhere, but there was an emptiness, too.

It was just last year that Jarrod said that this year, all of Victoria's children would be happily married. At the time, no one expected that he would not be among them, but he was gone, and everyone felt it, down deep inside.

Carl lifted the last ornament out of the box. It was the glass angel that went on top of the tree, the one Victoria's children had given her the first Christmas after Tom Barkley's death. Nick took it from Carl, and for a moment he held in front of his eyes. The light from the fireplace caught it and lit it up.

"Maggie," he said, "what do you say I let J.J. put this on top of the tree this year?"

Maggie looked at J.J. and then at Nick. "He's a bit short, Nick."

Everyone laughed.

"No, I mean let me lift him up to do it. It won't break if he drops it – the tree branches or the carpet will cushion any fall. You know, when I was little, I always put the angel on top of the tree."

"He broke it when he was six – tried to throw it up there and he pitched it clear across the room before anyone could stop him," Victoria said.

Everyone laughed again, and even Nick smiled. "I won't let him pitch it."

Maggie looked at Victoria, and both women nodded.

"J.J.!" Nick called.

J.J. had been across the room with Carl, looking in the empty ornament box. At his Uncle Nick's call, he tottered over to him and let himself be lifted up.

Nick gave him the angel but kept a hand around it and the boy's smaller hand. "Now, I'm gonna lift you up and we'll put it on the tree together, okay? NO throwing it."

J.J. looked baffled, but he kept his grip on the angel as Nick stepped up onto the second rung of the ladder. Then, together, they put the angel on the top of the tree – even though Nick had to work to get J.J. to let it go. Nick stepped back down and backed up, letting J.J. look at the tree.

"There," Nick said. "What do you think, J.J.? Isn't it pretty?"

J.J. had a rather confused look on his face as he stared at the tree, and for a moment Nick saw his brother Jarrod, large as life. The highly intelligent Jarrod Barkley wheels were turning in his son's head, and Nick could have sworn the boy was thinking about the absurdity of cutting a tree down, bringing it into the house and putting shiny things on it.

Nick laughed.

"What's so funny?" Heath asked.

"Take a look at this little guy," Nick said and turned so everyone could see what he was seeing. "Is this Jarrod Barkley overanalyzing a Christmas tree, or what?"

Everyone saw it and laughed. J.J. looked more confused than ever. Nick put him down and he headed for the string of popcorn the women were making.

"We have one more ornament for the tree," Audra said.

They looked at her as Carl reached for a small box he'd been keeping under his chair and handed it to her.

Audra brought the box where everyone could see her open it. A small porcelain angel was inside, not the kind you put on top the tree but the kind to hang from one of the branches. "Carl and I found this last week, and we thought it would be a good idea to have a second angel on the tree from now on. Jarrod's in heaven keeping Father company. He should have an angel keeping Father company on the tree, too. Mother?"

Audra handed the ornament to Victoria, who took it but said, "Perhaps Maggie – "

Maggie quickly shook her head, smiling through grateful tears. "No. This year, I think you should put it on the tree."

Victoria wiped her own tears away, stood up from the settee, and took the angel to the tree. She found a good spot for it and hung it there, letting her touch linger a bit.

Heath let his gaze fall. Things were better, but it still stung him, how and why Jarrod had died. It was still bitter in his mouth and bitter in his heart. Suzanne could always see that. She left the settee, came beside him and put her arm around his waist. He smiled for her.

"Time for me to bring something out," Nick said, and he pulled a bottle of scotch out from under the piano. Victoria and Heath recognized it for what it was. "The last of Jarrod's hidden stash he told us about," Nick announced with a grin. "Pappy had this bottle hidden away, but I found his last hiding place!"

Maggie laughed her tears away. "Well, you're one up on me. I never did know where it was."

"Neither did I. Where was it?" Victoria asked.

"In one of the book cases in the library," Nick said, took the bottle to the refreshment table and opened it. As he poured some into several glasses, he said, "I was thinking about him. I went looking through some of the books he left here – they remind me of him. Would you believe some of those books in there are phony? He had half of the book chopped off, so all we saw was the binding! They looked like real books while the bottle was hidden behind them."

"Oh, my goodness," Victoria said and began to laugh. "We never realized that!"

"Silas knew!" Nick said. "After I found this, he told me he knew all along. He saw it every time he dusted in there."

Silas had come out from the kitchen to refill the wassail bowl just as Nick mentioned his name. Startled, he stopped dead, and everyone looked at him. If a man so black could blush, he'd have been blushing.

"Did Jarrod know you knew, Silas?" Heath asked.

"Yes, Mr. Heath, he knew," Silas said, "but I told him I'd keep his secret."

"And there aren't any more bottles he had hidden?" Victoria asked.

"No, Ma'am," Silas said. "This was the last one. You should have seen the twinkle in his eye when I found it. He was tickled to be fooling you all."

Heath chuckled a little as he took his glass and shook his head. "Ol' Pappy had one more secret left, I guess."

"But I found out about it," Nick said, his eyes twinkling as he passed out the glasses of scotch. When he finished distributing, he raised his own glass, looking up at the sky. "Last laugh, Big Brother!"

And everyone did laugh, especially Maggie. She remembered how Jarrod was afraid his family's last memory of him would be his refusal to take digitalis. Well, now she knew that their last memory would be finding his comical hiding place for his scotch, which was clearly something he intended all along. She could feel him at her shoulder, and she could picture him laughing about it – his real last secret.

It was a good one.

The End


End file.
